John has been PCSed (permanent change of station) to Junction City, WI about a month ago, so he has been up North working during the week and traveling back on the weekends - when he doesn't have drill. Thankfully, our home sold quickly, so I have been attempting to pack up our home and take care of the animals and Jeremy at the same time. I'm pretty much ready to pull out my hair right now.
Firstly, I really don't want to leave my beautiful home. I love it here. I love my neighbors. I love the location of where we are living. We are close to civilization, but still in the middle of the corn field - which gives me the best of both worlds. Secondly, I am so overwhelmed with everything that I am supposed to be doing that I don't want to be doing anything. Thirdly, I'm feeling depressed knowing that I'm going to be leaving all of the people who I love and hold near and dear to my heart, which is not helping with the first two points. :-( And lastly, I actually miss John. And it's hard hearing Jeremy missing John, espcially now that he is realizing that John is gone a lot and is having seperation anxiety.
Thankfully, John has been really supportive and very understanding when I'm having my melt downs. I know it's not fair to be breaking down to him, especially since it's hard on him to be up in WI by himself. Plus, no one at his unit knows that Jeremy and I are not with him yet, so he really has no one to talk to about his loneliness. I guess both of us are in the same boat, since I can't talk to people about how I'm really feeling about this move. How I feel so alone in my home and completely depressed when I look at the empty rooms and boxes. I'm so grateful that this experience is bonding my husband and I together, instead of completely tearing us apart.
I know that I'm not the first woman to go through this, nor will I be the last. I'm just hoping some day I will be able to be around families who understand our lifestyle. I just want to feel supported, instead of feeling like people are thinking that I'm trying to get sympathy out of them.
My saving grace is that Jeremy, our 2 1/2 year-old son, is with me. Every day is an adventure with him. Like today, I bought a Cars potty training toilet for him. Going to the bathroom on the normal toilet is scary to him, so John and I are trying to get him to go to the bathroom in a potty training toilet. After Jeremy woke up from his nap, I had him run around the house without a diaper to get him to go to the bathroom in his Cars potty. Apparently his butt cracked itched, because next thing I know he has blood all over his hands and under his nails, and his poor butt crack is bleeding. So training pants were put back on and I had to keep him from scratching the area more to keep it from getting worse.
Hopefully tomorrow his butt crack will be less itchy and Jeremy will be able to run around without a daiper on and go potty like a big boy. Fingers crossed.
No comments:
Post a Comment